It's probably about time I updated this thing as it'll probably be ages again until I do so again, despite intentions to do otherwise.
So, as of writing, I am 24, still living in the middle of Hampshire, in what I wish was nowhere but sadly is becoming the busier south BUT ANYWAY ONTO HAPPIER THINGS.
I got the job! The job being a Forest Craftsperson for the Forestry Commission. Which means I get to work in a forest each day, which, for the most part, is awesome
It's a bit more complicated than that, but what I don't have anymore, is looking out a window going eerrruuuggghh I want to be out theeerrreeee, which is what I used to have during some of my part-time support work.
Which was: part-time, on a farm, based in a barn, surrounded by fields, where we went walking. So if I had that feeling there, I dread to think what it would have been like in an office.
Or a warehouse for more than a day.
So I'm just going to keep calling myself a lucky bastard....
I am breaking bikes at a rate of one per year for the last 3 yea- no, 4 years now I think it is. Including a steel frame mountain bike.
This is not something to be proud of folks.
But I am mostly still cycling to work each day, I'd like to be living closer (which means moving out so if anyone would like to join me....
) though in the future, because having main A-roads to cycle down is... Not Great. Haven't had any near misses in a while, but winter is coming (shush
) and it's already dark when I leave in the mornings, and now with rain too!
Which is fantastic in the pot holey state of our roads.
Photography has plummeted somewhat, I'd still like a macro lens one day, but nowadays when I take photos it's because I've spotted a fluffy caterpillar at work (happened quite a bit recently) or I've picked up a dead thing, orrr I'm visiting Boaz and the members want to take photos.
Writing has similarly plummeted, I get the odd thing I want to do at times though, so might come back soon, which probably won't mean a good thing but hey-ho.
My entire activity for things not in-person has almost disappeared in the past month or two.
And I honestly don't know why.
What's bugging me more is that I used to be able to do lots, and now I barely have a text in me.
Which is incredibly frustrating as I have you, you wonderful, incredible friends, who I miss enormously, and want to see and chat to.
But I feel exhausted and I really shouldn't be.
Even with the new guy I work with, whose... Alright really, but fuck I miss Ollie.
I really, really miss working with him, and I had a horrible feeling he was going to leave as I got my job permanently.
Back onto you though, I know I could be texting you in this time, or replying to messages, and I don't know why I am, I guess this is easier somehow?
I know it must feel like I've forgotten about you, that I don't care, or what I'm talking to other people, and I'm not.
I just feel reaaaaally crap about not replying instead.
I think about you, the messages that I want to reply to, pretty much everyday, and if you think I'm not talking to you, chances are I am, as there are a lot of you.
I know brain's are bastard's for this sort of thing, but you mean more than I say to me.
I guess I'm just running away from most things currently.
What from or why I have no idea.
I recently got what might as well be my dream job at this stage (I mean for fuck's sake at 24 getting a job on a permanent contract that they enjoy? Working with mostly people who are incredibly awesome who you can learn lots from?) While I am living with my parents, there's no stress on me about moving out asap
I have no-one closer than my friends, while I thought this would have been the case for longer than a few months a few years ago (fuuuuck it was like 5) by the time I was this age, still happy with all of you in it.
For fuck's sake I don't know why I feel so crap, maybe it's just that I feel really tired tonight.
I bet it's the really, really fucking stupid thing that I'm feeling lonely.
Which is stupid because of course I do when I'm always feeling so tired or arghy or I don't know what to talk so ta-daaaaa.
I'm really sorry everyone.